I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
