ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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