Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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