I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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