my mouth tastes like poor choices
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
