I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
