Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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