I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
