Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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