I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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