Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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