OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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