you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
