I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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