I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
