smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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