some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
