Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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