um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
