Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
