Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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