do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
