OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
