I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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