can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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