we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
