At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
