the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
