So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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