this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
