All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't deserve a penis
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
