I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
