i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
