This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
