Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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