I want to have your abortion
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
