I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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