In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
