It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
