Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
