He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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