If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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