Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
