we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
