I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
