The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
