I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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