did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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