Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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