i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
