My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
