turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
false alarm, still single
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
